


7 Times Jesse McCree Didn't Confess & One Time He Did

by talesfromthepayload



Category: Overwatch (Video Game)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-09-13
Updated: 2017-09-15
Packaged: 2018-12-27 16:19:12
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 9
Words: 9,499
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12084705
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/talesfromthepayload/pseuds/talesfromthepayload
Summary: Jesse McCree just can't seem to work up the courage to confess his feelings.





	1. Part One

Jesse had been with Blackwatch long enough to establish a routine. As of late, however, he found himself dropping by the medical ward more often than not. He’d be lying if he said it wasn’t because of you.

“Jesse,” you greeted politely, your smile radiating energy.

He never did understand how you managed to keep all the darkness you’d seen out of your eyes. You were the star medic of Blackwatch, and occasionally Overwatch should the need arise. To say you’d seen some horrors was definitely an understatement. Not to mention, you’d been on many missions yourself, not just as a medic, but as a respected agent no different than him or Genji.

“Darlin’,” he greeted, taking note of the shade beneath your eyes.

You’d been overworking yourself again, no doubt. Gabriel liked that about you, but to Jesse, it just made him worry. You’d often miss out on meals or lose sleep trying to better the agents.

“Need anything or just stopping by?” You inquired, your eyes moving away from the mounds of papers and folders.

Jesse guessed if he hadn’t dropped by unannounced, you may have not taken a break for the next few hours at least.

“Comin’ to check on ya,” he drawled, his eyes shining with mirth as a slow smirk creeps onto his lips. “How ‘bout ya take a little break, darlin’, I could use a good shootin’ partner.”

Jesse’s heart sped up as he watched the beginnings of a smile turn your lips up. You glanced at your work, sighing a little before nodding towards the cowboy.

“I suppose it couldn’t hurt,” you shrugged, taking McCree’s offered hand.

He pulled you lightly to your feet, his fingers lingering a little longer than they needed to. Clearing his throat, he turned the charm back on.

“What’s got ya so tied up now?” He couldn’t help but ask, your strides matching his as he navigated haphazardly through the base. 

He knew every nook and cranny of this place, his body moving towards the range on pure muscle memory. It was where he worked out his frustrations, after all. His gaze slid towards you, watching the sway of your hips and the little furrow between your brow. Well, most of his frustration, the rest of it had to be taken out somewhere a little more, ahem, private.

“Genji,” you sighed, a sad look in your eye.

Jesse frowned. You spent so much time with the cyborg he was beginning to wonder if there was something there. Of course, Genji obviously had some health problems that he came to you for quite often, but did he really need to see you every day? Not to mention, Jesse had overheard a few of the conversations between you two.

Normally, Genji was all angst. He didn’t strike Jesse as the type a guy who liked to laugh anymore, but he’d heard him chuckle many times in your presence. McCree couldn’t forget how protective Genji had been during one of the high stakes missions that Gabriel had sent the three of you on.

Jealousy prodded Jesse’s mind, though he gave it a right shove, deciding it was better not to dwell on it. You were here with him, after all.

“The ol’ cyborg causing you trouble again?”

Jesse knew his voice sounded a little less cheery than normal.

“It’s not Genji, really, there’s just a few extra kinks in the cybernetics that I need to work out,” you said, not noticing the raise of Jesse’s brow at the work ‘kinks’.

He knew you didn’t mean it like that, obviously, but he couldn’t stop himself from even thinking that maybe you did like Genji. That stung him more than he’d care to admit.

“My quiet place,” Jesse gestured towards the range, a hint of a smile on his lips.

Perhaps he could forget his troubles for now.

“Show me what you got, cowboy,” you teased.

Jesse’s ears perked up at the tone. Were you… flirting? A sly smirk spread, his voice dropping an octave as he slid closer towards you.

“I’ll have you know, darlin’,” his eyes were a shade darker, tone damn near sinful. “I’m very skilled.”

You hummed, a playful grin on your features as you stepped up to Jesse. He noted with a thumping heart that your chest was only a few inches from his. His fingers flexed, blood rushing away from his head at your proximity. The wind carried your scent towards him, warmth engulfing his senses.

“Let’s see it then,” you challenged, that little pink tongue of yours peeking out from your teeth.

Jesse imagined how you’d react when he battled with it for dominance, his hands tangling in your hair. He bet you’d make a soft little moan, surprised, but certainly not disappointed. Maybe you’d wrap your hands around his neck, eager fingers knocking the hat from his head.

He swallowed, realizing he’d been staring a second too long, though you didn’t seem to notice. Without even moving his gaze from you, he whipped out Peacekeeper with extraordinary speed, aimed, and fired. Your wide eyes looked to where the shot landed.

Perfect bulls-eye.

“Okay,” you breathed out, thoroughly impressed.

Jesse noticed the expression, smirking with a hat tip and a wink. You scoffed.

“Let me see,” you said, holding a hand out towards him.

He offered his beloved gun to you with surprising ease, but then again, he’d offer much more than just a gun to you without much thought.

“This is different,” you commented, the weight a little awkward in your hand. 

While you did have training with a multitude of weapons, most of them were fitted specifically to match your body. Peacekeeper was heavier than what you were used to, Jesse noticed.

“Now relax, darlin’,” he advised, voice as sweet as sugar.

He stood behind you, watching with an encouraging smile as you shot. Your wrist jarred backwards, the gun flinging itself up. You had hit the target, but not nearly as accurate as you normally shot.

“Don’t worry as much about your base,” he explained, an arm on your hip to fix your position.

He swallowed heavily, the feel of you beneath his fingers almost too much to bear.

“Worry about your arms for this ol’ gun. She’s not too easy on the wrists either.”

He slid his hand down your arm, fingers grazing yours as he held your position steady.

His heart was beating so fast he was sure you could hear it. In an attempt to protect his pride, he held his hips as far away from you as he could without being obvious. It would do no good to let you know just how affected he was by your closeness.

Then again…

You turned to face him, your eyes locking on one another. Jesse held his breath, nearly chuckling at the red that covered your cheeks. He watched your tongue peek out again, though this time it was to wet your lips.

Jesse moved a fraction, his hands wrapping a little more firmly around yours. This was it, he realized. This was the moment he’d been waiting for, the one where he can finally tell you how he feels. A little smile formed on his lips.

“(Y/N) I-”

“(Y/N)!” A voice called.

Jesse’s eyes narrowed, watching in defeat as you retreated from his body, startled by the new person.

“Genji,” you greeted, a little breathless.

McCree’s teeth ground, his fists clenching. That damn cyborg. He watched in frustration as the two of you conversed. You’d stopped by where McCree stood, tensed and alert, handing him back Peacekeeper with an apology before you were off, speaking with Genji the whole way.

Jesse sighed, running a hand through his hair as he cursed. This frustration wasn’t one to be taken out at the shooting range.


	2. Part Two

There were very few things that scared Jesse McCree. He’d seen enough of the world to know that not much warranted fear, but when it did, it meant bad news. He’d listened to Gabriel explain the mission that he’d be sending McCree and Genji on. Gabriel was a sensible man who knew his way around a battlefield. His intuition could be trusted, so when he admitted that this mission could very well be the end to either, or both, of their lives, Jesse swallowed.

As soon as Gabriel dismissed them, he ran off in search of you. His palms were sweating, hands shaking, and brow furrowed. Fear lingered on his person, taunting him as he made his way towards you, his salvation.

“(Y/N),” he nearly gasped, relieved beyond belief when he saw the sun glowing softly on your features, outlining that sweet smile of yours.

For a moment, his worry and fear dissipated, becoming a slow lift of his lips.

“Jesse,” you said, your voice so light and cheery, despite the cloud that laid above McCree’s head. “What’s on your mind?”

You’d pushed your chair back a few inches, pulling yourself from the microscope that stood in front of you. Obviously, he’d caught you in the middle of something.

“Gabriel tell you about the mission?” He asked, his emotions seeping back into his mind like a poison.

“He didn’t tell me much,” you admitted, your brows furrowing in confusion at the look on his face. “Jesse, are you okay?”

He nodded halfheartedly, though he was well aware you could see right through it. 

“Oh, Jesse,” you sighed, a hand blindly reaching for him.

Your fingertips rested lightly on his forearm, electricity ghosting down his spine like a lover’s kiss at your touch. He shuddered, resting his hand atop yours, his eyes closing on their own accord. He breathed you in, listening to the beat of his heart grow louder as your little fingers held tighter.

“Tell Gabriel I’m coming with you, there’s no way-”

“No,” Jesse refused, still holding onto your hand with all the gentleness in the world. “It’s too dangerous.”

For all the fear he felt at this mission, if it was you in his place, he knew what he felt now wouldn’t even compare. Losing his own life was one thing, but he would never, ever let you put yourself in danger for as long as he could help it. If he lost you, he’d lose the colors of the world. He’d lose the sun and the brightness and the happiness. He’d lose himself, and he’d lose his world.

“Jesse, I can take care of myself. I’m trained, just like you and Genji. Besides, having a medic might help.”

Jesse shook his head, his desperate eyes opening as he looked straight into your soul. You were so bright, so colorful. You shone like the sun and burned twice as bright. You held the universe behind those sweet eyes of yours, and Jesse couldn’t help but think this world couldn’t survive without you. He knew he certainly couldn’t.

“Please,” he whispered, desperation on his tongue.

You swallowed, looking deeply into his eyes.

“I just want you safe, Jesse,” you said just as quietly, the corner of your lips turning up in a sad smile.

“Genji and I’ll be fine, always are,” he stated in a false sense of bravado, his lips pressed lightly together. “Besides, someone needs to hold down the fort while we’re away. I ain’t no expert, but I do know a thing or two about Gabriel, and without Genji or I here, he’ll rain hell down on those new recruits.”

You managed a breathy chuckle, nodding as you bit back a few tears.

Jesse sighed, taking a moment to truly admire you. The sunlight danced around your features- highlighting your soft lips, sharpening the edge of your cheekbones, brightening your eyes. Jesse found himself absolutely mesmerized, as he often did near you, his heart beating a tune of its own. You were breathtaking, from the strength in your stance to the softness behind your smile. Jesse memorized every detail of you that day, fearful of what might lie ahead.

“I think you should know,” Jesse began lowly, his heart picking up speed as he prepared himself.

It was now or never.

He watched as a little line in your forehead appeared out of curiosity, your gaze sharpening a bit. He noticed your stance changed just a little bit, opening a little more as if you would take whatever he said with an understanding heart. His mouth dried.

He couldn’t do this to you.

What if he didn’t make it back?

“Jess?” You inquired, concern edging around your tone.

He’d been lost in his thoughts for a moment too long.

“Sorry,” he apologized, consciously biting at the ghost of a cigar. It wasn’t there really, but his mind told him it was.

“I’m still a better shot than you,” he teased, though his voice was a little heavy.

You didn’t seem to notice the weight that’d settled itself on his shoulders, or if you did, you didn’t comment. You chuckled, shaking your head at him.

“Jesse McCree, you’re one of a kind.”

He smiled at that, not allowing the fear or worry or sadness overcome the moment.

“Yeah, yeah, darlin’,” he laughed breathily, tipping his hat in your direction.

With a wave, he was off, and while he didn’t expect you to run after him, throwing your arms tightly around his neck, he certainly didn’t mind it. His heart was racing, his eyes closing on their own accord as he breathed in the sweet scent that always lingered around you. He pulled you to him tightly, lifting you the smallest bit off the ground.

“You come back to me in one piece, Jess,” you warned, pulling away with a sweet smile.

He just smiled back.


	3. Part Three

Time was an abstract concept, weaving in and out of Jesse’s consciousness as he fought to stay aware.

“Come on, Jesse,” he’d heard at some point, the words said desperately as he felt a tingle in his arm.

“I’m so sorry,” he’d listened, the voice distant as pain burned anew, trapping him under the blazing fire.

“Oh, Jesse,” he’d remembered that sweet voice saying, his name like a prayer to the angel that spoke it.

A weight had settled on his chest then, wetness spreading over his bare chest before he’d given back into the darkness.

Soon enough, he found himself stirring from the abyss. His mind lit up, granting him thoughts and ideas. Sweet memories played like a soft melody, his heart beating steadily.

A groan slipped from his lips, eyes slowly adjusting to the lights. The world became whole once more, clarity finding a home in his vision.

“Jesse,” you whispered.

Jesse smiled, a cough wracking his chest, but he kept the expression.

“Darlin’,” he replied, resting his head back. “Didn’t think I’d make it back,” he admitted.

He saw the expression on your face. You looked haunted by something behind your eyes, dark circles beneath them. Your face paled as you looked to the man.

“What is it?”

His smile had slipped off his face, his hands moving to push himself up, only something felt off, missing. With a furrowed brow, Jesse looked down. He swallowed thickly, a little noise crawling up his throat.

Nothing laid where his left hand should be, and scared eyes followed it up to the elbow. Angry red scars stared up at him, his heart beating faster as tears pricked his eyes. He’d never looked more vulnerable than he did in that moment.

“Jess,” you’d said once more.

He couldn’t breathe, the world spinning around him as he tried and tried to move his left arm. There wasn’t anything to move below the elbow, but it looked so unnatural. If he thought about it, he could still feel it, still see his hand in his mind. He was gasping for air, but the cruel world wouldn’t grant his wish.

“Jesse, please, breathe,” your voice had raised in volume, your hand on his cheek.

Two scared eyes looked up to you. He remembered now. Genji had been with him, watching his back. He’d ran in after the holopad that held the data Gabriel had sent them for. They’d missed someone though, miscalculated their enemy. He’d been shot, a direct hit to his forearm. He was bleeding out and fast. While he did retrieve the data, he knew he wouldn’t make it back. The last thing he could see was Genji, your name on his lips as he fell away from the world.

“My arm.”

The tone was pathetic, and McCree knew it, but he didn’t feel whole. Sympathy suddenly washed over the man. He felt as if he could understand Genji’s pain a little more, though only to a degree.

“Jess, I’m so sorry,” you gasped, tears welling in your eyes.

He’d never seen anyone look so guilty. It shook the very core of your being. You could see it whenever you closed your eyes: the blood, his desperate yells when he realized what you were doing before the anesthesia settled in, the surgery you’d performed.

“Darlin’,” he breathed, reaching out for you with his good hand.

You were holding it in a second, grasping to it tightly like it was a lifeline. His heart squeezed in his chest, painful gaze looking straight at you. The words were on the tip of his tongue, ready to tumble out as he professed his feelings, but he couldn’t.

Not now, maybe not ever. You were both haunted in your own way, and he knew deep down, if he spoke now, he’d probably never know how you truly felt because moments of desperation were never ideal times for confession. It made people feel a way that in any normal situation, they might not feel at all.

“I don’t think I made it back in one piece,” he joked lamely, the pain still too fresh for it to go over smoothly.

He didn’t want to show anymore weakness. He’d already let you see how he felt, he needed to be strong, if only to protect you. Clearly, you’d been the one to save his life, and in doing so you’d had to sacrifice his arm. He didn’t know how he felt about it, but he knew you were only doing what was right. He could never fault you for that.

“Jess,” you managed a weak smile, though your tears soon drowned it.

“’Mere, darlin’,” he said, his voice strained.

He put a brave face on for you, smiling through the pain. You followed without hesitation, dropping yourself on the bed by his side. He closed his eyes, musing how if this had been any other situation, he would have relished the feeling. While he still did enjoy the company, he couldn’t admire it the way he should’ve been able to, not while his thoughts were in this much disarray.

“I’m sorry,” you murmured against his skin, your words whispering around his neck.

He looked to where his arm should’ve been, swallowing thickly. He could get through this. With you by his side, he’s sure he could get through anything. McCree closed his eyes, breathing you in as he did so often. Your breaths were even, tears falling and eyelashes fluttering, kissing his skin.

Jesse McCree never thought he’d been more in love with you than in that moment.


	4. Part Four

The weeks didn’t dull his pain. Jesse awoke in a pool of his own sweat, his sheets twisted around his bare body. His chest heaved, sweet oxygen finally filling his lungs. Images were behind his eyes, memories of that mission. A part of him despised Blackwatch for it, but he would never turn his back on the organization that took him in. Not that he had much of a choice.

He pushed himself out of his bed, the cool ground contrasting against the heat of his body. Sleep had always been hard to find, but since the mission, it’d gotten even worse. He looked at the empty sheets, idly wondering how he’d feel if your sleeping form was in the bed. He’d bend down and kiss your forehead. He’d hold you tight and not let go. He’d whisper sweet words in your ear and run his fingers through your hair.

A bitter smile covered his lips. He threw his drawer open, grabbing the first pair of pants he saw. He didn’t bother with a shirt, knowing that the Blackwatch headquarters was empty this time of night. He needed a drink.

The air was much cooler in the halls of the base than in his room, something he noted pleasantly. He’d taken the route too many times, his mind lost in thoughts. He thought about you, about the mission, and about himself. He released a sigh as he opened the door to the kitchen, nearly jumping from his skin as he heard a soft voice.

“You too?”

It was you. He puffed a breath, nodding.

“What’s got you up, darlin’?” He asked, taking a seat on a barstool by you.

You’d been drinking whiskey straight from the bottle, quite a bit missing. Jesse’s heart squeezed in his chest when he realized you’d been down there for a little while.

“Nothing,” you sighed, sliding the bottle towards Jesse.

He picked it up, grateful, a little smirk on his face when he saw your eyes examine his chest.

“This your first one?” He inquired, noticing how flushed your cheeks were.

Your eyes were a little glazed over, not quite focusing as well as they normally did.

Your head jerked towards a couple of empty bottles, gaze unapologetic. Jesse knew you were haunted by that day too.

“You know, Jess,” you slurred, turning your attention towards him.

You leaned in closer, a sloppy smile appearing when his eyes traced every bit of exposed skin.

“You look good without a shirt on.”

Your fingers tentatively touched his chest, running down the length of muscles and scars. Jesse’s heart had stopped, his eyes blown wide as he held himself back from taking a hold of you. Want grew in the pit of his stomach. He shifted in his seat, subtly finding a position a little more comfortable for his not so little problem.

“Sometimes, I like to think about what you’d look like with nothing on.”

You said it so casually Jesse almost didn’t pick up on the subtle drawls and slurs. He felt like he was in one of his dreams, the ones where you’d grab him roughly by the hair and kiss him until he’d gasp for breath. His body yearned for yours.

“Darlin’, that’s dangerous territory,” he warned, his voice growing lower by the minute.

His eyes darkened, teeth grinding together. You were drunk, you didn’t mean it. Jesse had to convince himself, otherwise he knew his body wouldn’t be able to say no.  
You shrugged nonchalantly, a seductive chuckle low in your throat. Your fingers tiptoed up his neck, goosebumps following the path from his chest to his hair. Your dainty hands tangled in his hair, a smirk spreading when he growled.

“I like danger,” you breathed, trapping your lip between your teeth.

Jesse watched with eyes blown wide, his fingers sliding towards you. It took all he had not to give in. His skin was alight with desire, and he knew if he didn’t put a stop to it now, he wouldn’t be able to later. He knew this was wrong, and he’d never take advantage of you like that, even if you were a tantalizing sight that made want burn low in his belly.

“I think it’s time we get you to bed,” he suggested, averting his eyes from you.

“But Jess…”

He could hear the pout in your voice. A part of him, one that was very much ready for things to escalate, was cursing his chivalry.

“C'mon, up you go,” he said, lifting you from the chair.

The bitter taste of whiskey lay on his tongue. He hadn’t gotten a whole lot to drink, but he didn’t mind. He’d come to get his mind off things and boy did you do so.

“Fine,” you huffed, sliding easily into his arms.

You offered no resistance as Jesse picked you up, cradling you to his bare chest. In fact, you seemed to be enjoying yourself, if your little hums were anything to go by. Every few seconds, Jesse would avert his attention to you, a smile growing when he noticed you were admiring his body.

“Likin’ what you see?” He teased, turning the corner with a little more haste.

He was going to need one hell of a cold shower after this.

“Uh huh,” you breathed, your hot lips searing against his skin.

Jesse damn near dropped you, his heart threatening to beat out of his chest. Your lips on his bare skin left him wanting more, arousal pushing against him. He needed to get away from you before anything happened.

“Here, sweet-pea,” he whispered hoarsely, punching in the code without hesitation.

You’d given it to him some time ago, just as you had with many of the active agents. It was a sign that you were available to them whenever they needed it. Jesse had never been more thankful for your kindness than in that moment.

“Yay,” you giggled, throwing your head back and unintentionally drawing Jesse’s attention towards your neck. 

He sucked in a breath, forcing his gaze away from the very section of skin he’d dreamed about kissing and biting for months.

“Alright, darlin’, it’s time for bed.”

You didn’t acknowledge him as you began throwing your clothes left and right.

Jesse choked on a breath, turning around so his gaze was on the white wall of your room. His pants grew uncomfortable as he imagined what you looked like behind him.

“Jess,” you said, voice so much quieter than it had been before.

He risked a glance towards you, releasing an exhale when he saw you were wrapped under the covers.

“Yeah?” He inquired, tilting his head towards you.

“Please stay?”

The look in your eyes and the pout on your lips had Jesse unable to refuse. He gave you a half smile as he worked his way towards you, settling by your side on the bed. Immediately, your small frame cuddled into him. Peace washed over him, his presence made whole by your touch.

“Thank you,” you mumbled against his neck, drifting off into slumber before you’d even finished the word.

Jesse smiled, sneaking a glance. Your eyes were lightly closed, the glow of the moon shining in through your window. Your hair was messy, your cheeks flushed, and Jesse couldn’t help but think he’d never seen anything more beautiful.

“I l-”

He stopped himself.

Now wasn’t the time.

With a soft sigh, he placed a longing kiss on your forehead, his eyes sealing shut.

He snuck away in the early hours of the morning, long before you awoke. When he did, his heart squeezed painfully. He vowed then that one day he wouldn’t have to sneak away. One day he’d hold you all through the night and into the morning.

He couldn’t wait.


	5. Part Five

Where did it all go so wrong?

Jesse sat down by your side, watching the steady fall of your chest as you breathed. Your face was so serene, unburdened by the horrors of the world. Your lips were parted slightly, cheeks regaining color, and hair just the slightest bit messy. You were so still that, had it not been for the even beep of a machine, Jesse would’ve thought you to be dead.

He shuddered at the thought.

Just a week ago he’d spent the night holding you, falling asleep with your head on his chest. Now, though, that seemed so long ago.

Gabriel had sent you, Genji, and McCree on a mission the day after. It wasn’t anything too dangerous, but it was ah infiltration mission. You’d been wearing an elegant gown, one with intricate lace patterns that clung to your skin in all the right places. Jesse had thought his heart was going to burst at the sight of you walking down the steps, dress gracefully gliding behind you as you stood tall, heels clicking with each step.

He’d been in some silly suit, his heart fluttering with each step you took towards him. You had a look that just spoke of mischief.

Genji was your eyes and ears for the night.

It was supposed to be simple: gather intel, make a great impression, then get the hell out of Dodge. That’d been before Talon agents poured in from the woodwork’s, surrounding the two of you before you could blink.

The beauty and elegance changed to a stance of power. McCree readied his hand, fingers wiggling in anticipation. He just needed the signal.

The signal never came, however, as a shot rang out.

Your shout never made it past your lips.

McCree didn’t know how, but he found himself holding onto you, whispering into your ear as he tried to stop the bleeding. It was in your abdomen, somewhere Jesse couldn’t quite make out in the commotion.

Jesse saw Genji jump down, his blade out and ready before he even had time to send a message. He’d never been more thankful for the man’s presence.

“It’s alright, darlin’,” he shushed, fingers carding through your hair.

He had a little smile on his face, tears threatening to fall as he told you some of the things you’d said to him while you were drunk just the other night. Though painful, you managed a laugh.

Jesse damn near broke at the sound.

“Stay strong for me, alright?”

Your breathing had become labored, a sharp wheezing sound at each inhale. Jesse’s heart was cracking more and more as the twinkle in your eye dimmed.

“Now you listen to me, darlin’,” he said, voice barely above a whisper.

The first tear fell, sliding down his cheek slowly, a trail of pain in its wake.

“I have things I need to tell you, so don’t go dyin’ on me, okay?”

He tried to keep a brave face, but each second that ticked by brought him closer to insanity. Your eyes were closing and Jesse could do nothing to keep you awake.

“(Y/N)!” He yelled.

“I ain’t no doc like you, but I sure as hell ain’t gonna let you die.”

Your eyelids managed to stay open a second longer, but Jesse could see the life fading from your gaze. You were slowly losing the fight, and he knew it was only a matter of time before he lost you.

The world slowed to a tick, everything disappearing except the two of you. He didn’t remember the men who’d been attacking him, didn’t remember Genji fighting to protect the both of you. He didn’t remember Mercy rushing from a nearby drop-ship to save your life.

He did remember, however, the little whimper you made as the pain became unbearable. He remembered the way your hand wrapped loosely around his, or the way you breathed out his name like a dying wish. He remembered the smile on your lips as the last kiss of death embraced you.

He remembered shaking and cursing and screaming and kicking as your body was pulled away from him. He remembered yelling after you, Genji holding him back with a hand to the shoulder.

“Don’t you dare leave me,” he shouted in your direction, his vision blurred as tears streamed relentlessly down his face.

He remembered sitting at your bedside, waiting impatiently as the minutes ticked by, hoping you’d wake up.

And he sure as hell remembered when your bright eyes peeked open, your gaze falling to his as the most brilliant smile encompassed your face.

“Jess,” you breathed.

In a beat he was on you, pulling you up towards his chest despite the wires that tangled between your body.

“I thought I lost you,” he whispered.

His voice was so broken, haunted. The thought of never seeing you again terrified him more than anything ever had. He knew if that were to happen, he would never recover. His heart would die that day.

“It’s okay, Jess,” you reassured him, groaning a bit at the pain, though you still held him just as tightly.

He breathed a sigh of relief, shaking where he stood. More tears threatened to fall, but he kept a rein on them, refusing them the permission they desired.

The words ghosted on his tongue, ready to fall from his lips.

“Thank you,” you said before he had a chance to speak.

He pulled away from you, offering a gentle smile.

Now wasn’t the time. You were exhausted, the pain and medication beginning to take its toll on your body. You weren’t moving as fluently as normal and your eyelids looked a little heavier than normal. You looked weaker, more frail. The sight had his heart twinging in pain.

“Get some rest,” he advised, giving your hand a squeeze as he sat back in his chair.

The corner of your lips turned up in a little grin, your eyes closing in a matter of seconds.

Jesse exhaled.

“You’re in love,” a gently accented voice startled McCree.

He looked to Mercy, his face the picture of blankness. He offered no insight.

“Just, don’t wait too long,” Angela said, a small smile playing on her lips. “You never know when it’s going to be your last chance to say it.”

She departed at that, leaving Jesse to his own devices. The words resonated in his head, playing over and over again until it nearly drove him mad.

_You never know when it’s going to be your last chance to say it._

He tightened his grip on your hand.

Mercy was right.


	6. Part Six

Jesse sighed into the cool air, rain drops keeping time as he waited for further instructions.

King’s Row had been successful, in some sense of the word. He’d spent 28 days scouting and fighting his way through the neighborhood. Never in his life had he felt more exhausted.

“Vacation,” he muttered sarcastically, cursing Reyes in his head.

He was sitting idle in some old hotel in London, waiting for orders that never came. As the days turned into weeks, Jesse grew antsy. He lit a cigar, looking out over the city lights. He could almost hear your voice telling him that he should put that out because it was bad for him.

Hours passed by before a soft knock at his door had him stumbling to his feet. He was grumbling about “Commander Reyes” and “last time I go on vacation” when he swung open the door, surprised to see you.

You’d only been in King’s Row at the end of the battle, offering aid to those who needed it. Morrison had been hesitant to let you even do that much, considering it was your first time back in the field since you’d been injured. It didn’t help that it was in such a high stakes area, either.

“Darlin’?” He inquired, noting the swelling around your eyes.

Your eyes were wide and wild, looking for all the world like you’d seen a ghost. Jesse didn’t hesitate in pulling you inside, his gaze rapidly searching your body for any signs of injury. While he didn’t see any, he did note you were tensed up and curling in on yourself.

“It’s gone, Jess,” you breathed out after a moment of silence, voice cracking towards the end of the sentence.

Jesse puffed out a breath, leading you to the little couch in the center of the room. His warm hand spread out along your back, rubbing soothingly as he offered you comfort.

“Hush, sweet-pea,” he whispered, pulling your head into his chest.

He could feel the tension in your body, your shoulders shaking as your hands wrapped around his shirt. Your sobs were muffled by his chest, each one sending a wave of dread through Jesse. What had happened?

“They’re dead, Jesse,” you managed to whimper out, hiccuping.

Though your crying had subsided enough for you to talk, silent tears were still running down your cheeks. A hand grabbed a hold of Jesse’s heart, squeezing with all its might.

“Who is, darlin’?”

“Gabriel and Jack,” you gasped out, nuzzling into him.

Jesse froze.

He was aware he wasn’t breathing, but he couldn’t remedy the situation. Shock flooded his system, and he vaguely felt his heart begin to shatter. He wasn’t all that close to Jack, but he did respect the man, especially because of how much he looked out for you. But Gabriel…

“It was a fight,” you explained softly, your fingers tightening their hold on his shirt.

He swallowed, knowing that tensions had been rising, especially after what happened with Ana. His eyes closed shut, arms pulling you ever tighter against him. The two of you clung to each other desperately, holding onto one another like a lifeline.

For once, Jesse didn’t know what the future held. All he knew was that you were the only thing keeping him afloat as his mind flooded with memories. You were his savior.

Time trickled by, neither of you speaking as you simply held one another. You were both too afraid to let go, scared that the world would separate you just as cruelly as it had with Jack and Gabriel.

He was still digesting the information, wondering what the last moments had been like for his mentor as he faced them when you spoke up.

“Jess,” you began quietly.

He lifted his head in your direction, tired eyes watching you. Even after everything began falling apart, having you here, in his arms, was enough to make the world bearable.

“Yeah?”

Your head moved away from his chest, soft lips resting against his forehead. Jesse’s eyes shut on their own accord, a gentle sigh passing through his lips. His arms squeezed around you.

“Thank you,” you whispered, parting from him after a second.

Despite the pain, Jesse’s heart warmed. He gave you a sweet smile, eyelids growing heavy as the mental and emotional exhaustion began to weigh on him. He watched as you yawned, your head lolling back against his chest.

Silence ensued the room once more and at some point you’d fallen asleep. Jesse finally let the tears fall, clutching you against him as he let his pain free. He cried and cried, each tear being soothed by your presence. Eventually, he had no more tears the shed.

He laid his head back, a frown on his lips and a crack in his heart.

“Thank you,” he mimicked your words earlier, his voice just as soft.

His heart beat in his chest, a painful reminder he still had yet to tell you what he’d wanted to say so many times.

In the morning, he promised himself.

He’d tell you when he woke up.

With a gentle exhale, he gave into the tendrils of sleep.

When morning came, you were gone, and Jesse’s words were left unsaid.

He cried again then, but this time you weren’t there to comfort him.


	7. Part Seven

A tear in Jesse’s heart had opened up the day you told him about Jack and Gabriel.

Every moment that passed from then on only seemed to further the pain, until Jesse was nothing more than a man stumbling from bar to bar, searching for some kind of purpose. For the first year following the Petras Act, McCree had searched high and low for you.

He’d follow rumors and whispered voices, always on your trail, but never quite fast enough to catch up.

After a run in with Mercy, he’d admitted defeat. For once in his life, he’d made a mistake that time couldn’t remedy. He let you get away.

It’d been almost two years since he’d spoken with Angela, telling her that she was right, that he should’ve told you long ago. She’d offered a small smile and her condolences before they parted ways. Since then, Jesse had been drifting in the wind.

He found himself back on Route 66, in a bar similar to the ones he’d operate in during his old Deadlock days. The burn of liquor was heavy down his throat, your soft laughter echoing in the slosh of the liquid.

He looked into the glass, amber liquid reflecting his eyes. The light that you had sparked in them long since extinguished. He looked older, more dull.

The rowdiness of the patrons faded into the background as a vision played out in his whiskey. You’d been laughing at some stupid joke McCree had said, your eyes full of life as you playfully shoved at his shoulder. He was chuckling too, hands out in surrender as he admitted that it wasn’t his best work.

The beginnings of a smile tugged on his lips before the feeling faded, numbness taking its place once more. That laughter was gone. Overwatch was gone.  
You were gone.

He took another gulp, relishing in the warm buzz it provided to his mind, shielding him from the sweet memories of your smile and your kindness. Even now, years since he last saw you, his heart sped at the very thought of you.

Jesse McCree wasn’t one for all of that fancy fairy tale nonsense, but he had no doubt that you were his soulmate. You were the one thing that kept him fighting, that kept him warm on cool nights, that kept him happy when reality threatened to drown his mind in darkness.

You were his light.

Now, you were nowhere to be found.

His fingers flexed, the harsh light of the bar beaming down on his hat as he could almost make out your laughter.

It wasn’t like he remembered it, though. It seemed almost burdened, heavier.

Jesse spun his chair around, wild eyes scanning the bar as he searched desperately. Something familiar to hope bubbled up in his chest for the first time in a very long time.

There, in a dusty old booth, surrounded by strangers, sat you, your head tilted back as melodic laughter escaped your lips. Jesse was enthralled.

You hadn’t changed much, your hair a little longer perhaps, your cheekbones a little more defined. His heart thumped painfully when he caught sight of your eyes.  
They weren’t the same. He could see the darkness that lingered, the hopelessness that haunted your actions. Your soul was burdened, and Jesse wished he’d never fallen asleep that night oh-so long ago. He wished he took you in his arms and didn’t let go. He wished he told you.

Jesse’s hat obscured his face from your view. He knew if you were looking, _really looking_ , you’d know it was him, but your attention seemed far too enraptured by whatever your friends were saying. To you, he didn’t stand out at all in this bar.

He heaved a sigh, a weight settling upon his shoulders.

Courage cowered before him, retreating back into the far reaches of his brain. He’d been waiting years to finally tell you how he felt. After all this time, he knew he couldn’t.

He smiled bitterly.

Was this the fate he was to suffer for the rest of his days?

Your laughter was mocking him and his cowardice, his teeth grinding together. It was time for him to let Overwatch go, to let you go. He’d find purpose one day, or he’d find his end at the bottom of a bottle. Either way, he would not breathe life back into the past.

Jesse watched you closely as you engaged in conversation. He idly wondered what you’d been up to for the past few years before deciding it was probably best he didn’t know.

Just as he stood to get up, throwing a few credits for his drink on the bar, your eyes slid towards him.

His heart froze as you paused, familiarity sparking in the orbs Jesse had dreamt about for so long. He offered a sad smile, tipping his hat.

With a throw of his serape over his shoulder, he pushed his way through the throngs of people.

He didn’t hear the yell of his name until he’d already exited the old place.

“Jess!” You shouted.

His heart lept into his throat.

Time hadn’t changed his love for you. He didn’t know if anything ever would, but he needed to move on.

He looked back, pausing his steps long enough to make eye contact. The weight of the world rested in the space between the two of you, memories and emotions crushing the both of you under its relentless pressure. Something shifted then, and Jesse couldn’t quite place it, but then again, he knew he didn’t have to.

“Time to move on then,” he muttered quietly, his voice drifting towards you.

He didn’t wait for a reply.

Just as quickly as he’d come, he disappeared once more, only this time, he wasn’t looking for you.


	8. Part Eight

A sense of nostalgia overcame McCree as he walked side by side with the people he’d once considered family.

Lena was there, as was Angela, and Winston. He was looking at faces of his past, and his heart couldn’t help but feel empty at those that were missing.  
Gabriel and Jack weren’t there. Ana wasn’t there. You weren’t there.

He sighed, pressing two fingers to his temple. He didn’t give himself the proper amount of time to sober up after answering Winston’s recall. He knew the only way he’d be able to face all of this again was with some liquid courage.

Winston’s eyes looked over the group, a hint of a smile curling on his lips. McCree knew he cared deeply for all of them. Though, he noticed the way he kept looking at the door, like he was expecting one more to show up.

He cleared his throat.

“Well, I suppose we should start…”

Winston adjusted his glasses, standing tall before the group of misfits that’d bonded together during their time with Overwatch.

“I know it’s been a long time,” he said, his gaze looking from person to person.

Jesse knew what he was doing, as he’d already done it.

Maybe it was the pain they’d all faced, but it was a natural reaction to compare who they were all now to who they’d all been.

A little knock on the door pulled Winston from his speech.

“Come in,” he called.

When his eyes met yours, he smiled brightly.

McCree froze.

He hadn’t talked to you since that day in the bar. He hadn’t seen you or heard from you since he told you it was time to move on. He didn’t think you’d answer the recall.

“Hey,” your voice was soft as you did a little wave.

There was a weariness in your tone that hadn’t been there before. Jesse noticed how worn down you looked, like the weight on your shoulders was finally beginning to take its toll.

He breathed, steadying his heart as you took a seat opposite of him.

There was a little scar on your cheek now, nothing too severe, but Jesse wondered how you’d got it. His fingers twitched with the want to run over silvery skin.  
As if it were some sixth sense, your gaze met his.

Winston’s words faded into the background as the two of you stared at one another.

Jesse remembered the shadow of who you’d been. You’d had these bright eyes and wild smiles. Your laugh had been infectious and your gestures dramatic. You were brilliant, yet humbling. Nobody could shine a light to your kindness.

Yet, now, Jesse saw somebody who had suffered. Years of pain wore heavily in your eyes, your stature just a little more stiff. You weren’t the same bubbly personality Jesse had fallen in love with, but he still found himself gravitating towards you despite it.

Your gaze was vulnerable, a look that told Jesse all he needed to know about what you’d been through.

Despite the time and distance, Jesse knew that he still loved you, he never stopped loving you, because even after everything that happened, you were still you.  
You were still sweet words and kind gestures. You were still brilliant smiles and loud laughs. You were still the one he’d brought to the range, the one that had calmed his fears when he’d been apprehensive about the mission. You were still the one that had saved his life, the one that had offered him company in the early hours of the morning. You were still the one that he’d watched over for days after death had played its little game.

You were the one that left him.

And he was the one that left you.

Despite all of this, all of the time he’d spent away from you, all of the things he’d done to forget you, one thing remained true.  
Jesse McCree was hopelessly, inconceivably, undeniably, devastatingly, frustratingly, in love with you.

He swallowed thickly.

For years he’d let opportunities come and go, pretending like there was some perfect time for him to tell you what he’d so longingly wished to say. The truth was, in the lives you both led, there was no good time.

Your gaze had slid away from Jesse’s when Winston had proclaimed something loudly. Jesse didn’t look away.

He watched you through the entirety of the speech, ignoring the others as they trickled out of the door, mingling all the while. His stare stayed on you, and he had no doubt you noticed, for you didn’t move either while the rest of the agents left.

Soon enough, the two of you were alone.

“Look, Jess, I just-”

“I love you.”

His voice was firm, his eyes steady as he watched you freeze.

“What?” You shook.

Jesse ignored his emotions, paying attention only to the words.

“I love you. I’ve always loved you.”

Your throat bobbed as you swallowed, wild eyes staring at nothing in particular. You leaned back against your chair, a hand running through your hair as you processed the information.

Jesse got to his feet, his heavy boots pounding against the ground as his spurs clinked. His muscles were tight, breaths short, as he stopped directly in front of you. His eyes softened a fraction, a small smile on his lips.

“You’ve no idea how long I’ve been tryin’ to say that.”

Finally, you moved, your sad eyes meeting his.

“Jess,” you breathed.

Your hand wrapped around his, and he couldn’t help but muse at how perfect it felt.

“You hurt me,” he admitted lowly, gaze downcast. “Darlin’, you left me.”

You were nodding, tears building in your eyes as you shot up from your chair, pulling him into a full fledged hug.

“I’m so sorry,” you choked out, your arms so tightly around Jesse.

It was as desperate as it’d been that one night all those years ago, and Jesse couldn’t help but squeeze tighter in fear that you’d leave once more.

“It hurt, Jesse,” you whispered, “it hurt so bad and I didn’t… I couldn’t…”

Jesse hushed you, tears of his own falling silently. He was pressing his lips to your forehead, praying to whatever higher power that was out there to never let him lose you again.

“I love you, Jess,” you finally sobbed, burrowing your head in the crook of his neck.

Jesse sighed, heart beating vigorously in his chest as he breathed you in. Everything was changing with each passing second, and Jesse knew that it’d take time.  
He pulled back the slightest bit, crushing his lips to yours. The kiss was hot and desperate, fire on fire as the both of you poured everything that’d led up to this day into that kiss.

With your lips moving so perfectly against his, your body melded against him like it was meant to be there, Jesse knew he’d never forget this moment.  
The desperate lock of lips and clash of tongues continued for a moment longer, two breathlessly people pulling away, yet still clinging to one another.  
You were both two very different people. You’d built one another up, just as you’d brought each other down. You’d been there for the highs and the lows. Sometimes, you hadn’t been there at all.

Though time changed you, it certainly didn’t change your feelings. While you both loved each other for who you’d been, you hadn’t gotten a chance to love each other for who you were.

Jesse rested his forehead on yours, his eyes sealed shut as his heartbeat steadied.

He loved you, he really did, but he was ready to learn to love you for who you were now, not the you he remembered.

It’d take time, no doubt, but then again, Jesse had already waited so long to confess. He could spend all the time in the world getting to know you.

And, truth be told, he couldn’t wait.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm trash I'm sorry.


	9. Epilogue

Jesse tugged at the tie around his neck, smiling fondly at the dark red.

The two of you had discussed the colors for weeks, finally deciding on a dark grey and a deep red. It wasn’t like he ever put up much of a fight anyways, anything you decided was perfect. Jesse was just happy to share such a beautiful moment with you.

His sigh blew in the cool night air, distant chatter intertwining with it before they disappeared in the wind. He could see the party from here, lights flashing and people laughing. It looked so normal and mundane, Jesse almost couldn’t believe it.

The air was filled with the bitter taste of alcohol, the scent of food swirling around him. He rested heavily on the railing in front of him, watching his friends from afar as he stood on the porch.

“Shouldn’t you be inside?” A deep voice muttered, dark and mysteriously.

Jesse had heard that voice before, his muscles tensing as he turned to look at the skull mask he’d began to affiliate with death. Just three weeks ago Morrison had told him who was behind it, and a feeling of dread coiled in Jesse’s stomach at the thought of having to face him.

“Gabriel,” Jesse grumbled.

He doubted he looked very threatening in such a clean pressed suit and entirely unarmed, but Jesse would still put up one hell of a fight if it came down to it. This was not a day that he wanted interrupted.

“Reaper,” he corrected, not bothering with pleasantries.

He leaned against the same railing Jesse was, watching his friends with disdain, no doubt.

“What do you want?”

Jesse stood straight, eyeing the man closely. Should he attack, Jesse would be ready.

“I’m not here to fight,” he stated, seemingly sighing.

Jesse didn’t relax, not trusting the man who’d taught him so much. After everything, why should he trust him?

“Then why?” Jesse bit out, getting impatient.

This day was a memory Jesse held so fondly in his heart. In fact, at one point Jesse even imagined Gabriel being the man by his side as he spoke sweet words to his beloved, promising his forever. That was before, though, this was now.

“I wanted to wish you congratulations,” he shrugged, armor clanking at the movement.

Jesse hesitated.

“For old times sake,” Gabriel continued.

McCree inhaled sharply when a heavy hand came to rest on his shoulder, claws lightly gripping the skin. The two men locked stares, though one was hidden beneath a mask.

Reaper lifted his head, and though Jesse couldn’t see it, his eyes were full of regret.

“Jess!” Your voice rang out, startling the two men.

Jesse called your name back, turning from Reaper so he could find you. When he turned back, Reaper was gone, darkness among the shadows. His racing heart stilled as you approached him, a wide smile on your face.

Jesse mimicked it, unable to help himself. He pulled you into a hug, spinning and laughing and kissing you uncontrollably. The encounter was forgotten as he held you close, whispering sweet words into your ear while you giggled.

Reaper, however, had not forgotten as he watched from the shadows.

He watched as McCree placed a kiss on your lips, a confession of love on his tongue as he guided you back towards where the rest of your friends were.  
Pride shone in his eyes.

He knew that McCree had loved you. Hell, he’d always teased the boy about it. To see you and Jesse so happy, well, it brought back a piece of the humanity he’d been missing for so long.

Reaper felt less like a conduit of death that roamed in the shadows and more like a commander who was proud of two of his agents.

“Good job, kid,” he whispered.

After a moment of hesitation, he clicked his holopad to life, navigating to his list. He scrolled to the names ‘Jesse McCree’ and ‘(Y/N) (Y/L/N)’, swiping them into the abyss. If anyone deserved happiness, it was the two of you. As far as Talon was concerned, they wouldn’t do anything to ruin that happiness.

For the first time in a long time, Reaper smiled.


End file.
